7 GOALS FOR 2019 – WEEK 11 OF 52

Posted by Michelle on March 18th, 2019 . Filed under: 2019 Goals .

A little late, but I am here.

I’m doing it a little different this week and only going to talk about my big 100-pound goal.

I have been up and down playing with the same 12-15 pounds since the beginning of the year. I’ll do good for a couple of days and then someone will bring donuts in to the office and that starts me on a path to destruction. Have a donut and then think well, since I already messed this day up, I might as well keep eating more crap for lunch … and snack … and snack … and then dinner … and then dessert.

But something happened last week, a couple of things actually, that sort of smacked me in the face and woke my ass up. I mentioned before that I have a jacked-up knee and have been hobbling around on a cane. Lugging my fat ass around on a cane. I feel like I’m dragging myself around. Like I’m pulling a rhinoceros around with me everywhere I go. I have had the 3-week Synvisc injections and they did nothing. And then a Cortisone injection that did nothing either. I am in so much pain. There is literally no medication I can take during the day that helps, so I just suffer. And then in the evenings, I do have narcotics that help, but then they wear off and I can’t sleep. I haven’t been sleeping. Sometimes I’m up between 2-5 hours in the middle of the night. And then I’m falling asleep at the office. And that’s not good.

So, I went back to my orthopedic doc and he said, “let’s get an MRI, because if you have a tear, we can just go in arthroscopically and clean it up.” Great. So, I went and had the MRI and then the doctor called me back and told me that I have not one, but two meniscus tears in my knee – one on the outside and one on the inside – and that one of them is flipped which makes it more painful. I was glad that they found something and that I can finally get something done about this. So, he referred me to the surgeon.

I met with the surgeon on Wednesday and I’m going in to this appointment all ready to book a surgery and get on with my life. He goes over the MRI results with me blah blah blah tear blah blah blah tear blah blah blah flipped. And I’m thinking yeah, yeah, just get me on the calendar for a surgery, so I can get out of here. And then he says “if it were just that I could go in arthroscopically and …. “ and I don’t remember what the hell else he said after that. He said that there is more to the MRI report. Blah blah blah end stage arthritis, blah blah cartilage something. And that if he goes in to clean up the meniscus tears, that will take out what little cushion I still have there and make it worse for me because of the other blah blah stuff.

He tells me I need a new knee. And I am too fat to get one. And too young. But if I weren’t so fat, a case could be made for me to get one at my young age. I started bawling. I. Was. Crushed. Like I really have to suffer with this until I get weight off. And I don’t even know how much weight I need to get off before they would consider me for it. He wants to refer me to some lifestyle bullshit team of a dietician and a psychologist. Because I must be crazy with the way I eat? LOL

Well, I already see a counselor, so, yeah. And I know what to eat and what not to eat – I just don’t do it. (Consistently anyway.) So, I cried all the way back to work. And then throughout the day got all teary. I just can’t imagine living with this pain and this cane forever. And I happened to have an appointment with my counselor that night, so that was good timing.

And then Thursday morning I had an appointment with my endocrinologist. I see her because I had Thyroid Cancer and they have to monitor me for recurrence and also adjust my drugs (like when my weight goes up and down). And a bonus (sarcasm) she checks my blood sugar (A1C) too. Well, that’s gone up 2 whole points since I was there 9 months ago. And so has my weight. I thought the number may go up, but I didn’t think it would go up that much. I told her about my knee stuff – she mentioned that those injections would make the A1C number go up for sure, but also, with that high of a number they wouldn’t touch me for a knee replacement. And the hits just keep on comin’….

So, I went back the office that day – crying some more – and was like I have got to get serious. This is like the first time in my life that I can’t do something (get a knee) because of my weight. And I am in pain because of it. I broke out my journal and started writing down everything that goes in to my mouth. Powerade Zero, Lifesavers, every. single. thing.  And my approach has been to cut out the carbs. I am not counting or measuring, just eye-balling portion control, and getting the processed foods and the carbs out of my mouth as much as possible.

And since Thursday morning I have lost 7.2 pounds. Blah blah water weight or whatever, but instant results help. And I feel like I can do this. I mean, I have to. I’m not tryna be old and fat in a Hoveround if I can do something about it.

So that’s where I’m at this week.
Just focused on that one goal.
But I’ll be back next week with an update on the rest of my goals.


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